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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Some Facebook apps have certainly gone out of hand.  Lingering over someone else’s Facebook page is perhaps an unspoken reality for many, but installing an app to push people’s relationship status updates to you is borderline stalkerish.   Continuing on from my earlier post on No To Facebook Depression, digital morality seems to be hitting a new low with new app developers.

The tagline of the app Breakup Notifier reads:

“You like someone.  They’re in a relationship.  Be the first to know when they’re out of it.”

 

The tagline of the app Crush Notifier reads:

“You like someone.  They like you back.  Get crushed.”

Apparently when Breakup Notifier was launched in February this year, more than 3 million users flocked to the tool almost overnight.  While the demand kept rising by the day, it was confirmed shortly and officially that Facebook broke up with the Breakup Notifier.  According to the Washington Post, “…the affair was short-lived”.

And if this hasn’t creeped you out enough, shortly after Breakup Notifier folded, a new app Waiting Room came to the rescue by offering former Breakup Notifier users upgraded stalkerish efficiency.

The tagline of the app Waiting Room reads:

“Wish a friend was single?  Anonymously enter a friend’s WaitingRoom and give them a hint that they have options.  WaitingRoom will give you the confidence to become single again — if that’s what you really want.”

According to Mashable.com, “Not only will the Facebook app notify you when the person you’re pining after relieves himself or herself from a relationship, but it will also help you anonymously encourage that breakup.  Here’s how it works: When you indicate interest in an unavailable Facebook friend, that person gets an e-mail notification that there is someone in his or her “WaitingRoom” (this person need not have the app installed at this point). The identity of the admirer isn’t revealed until the recipient has changed his or her Facebook status to single.”

What has our world come to these days?  Should we get into caves to safeguard our already fragile relationships from being further sabotaged? 

On the other hand, supporters’ rebuttal is likely to be: “If recruiters can use business networking portals like LinkedIn to poach us from leaving our current employers onto hotter, fancier alternatives, why couldn’t we do it on Facebook for our lifetime happiness?”

Sick logic it is, I have to say.

 

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Half of 2011 is gone before we knew it.  If the world is indeed going to end by December 21, 2012, we have less than a year and a half left.  What will you do if you only have that little time left?

I don’t think I can ever declare that I am living my life with no regrets, but at least I am consciously yearning to lead that attitude towards life.  When you want to spend more time with your parents and your family, do it.   When you want to tell someone “I love you!”, do it.  When you want to say you’re sorry to someone you’re wronged, do it while you have a chance.

Whatever big hurdles you are going through now, chances are you will find them dismissable or even petty a year from now.  So if we can demonstrate more compassion to others or even ourselves throughout this journey, is it really that unthinkable?

If we can follow our hearts, be vulnerable and let down our self-protection mechanism, the world could be a much better place.  At the very least, I know I will lead a meaningful and fulfilling life.

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My Beloved

Never underestimate the power of a song and its lyrics.  Last night I was watching a Taiwanese entertainment talk show featuring the local diva Ah-Mei, and by the end of her live performance I  found myself tearing up.  I then youtubed the song’s music video and ended up crying through the night like a pathetic loser.  Yes, I was utterly moved to my tears.

Although it’s obviously no fun at all seeing and feeling yourself aching at heart and weeping alone, somehow I find that it’s a blessing to have the ability to feel and get in touch with my emotions.  I have never felt more alive, and it can be endearing to express my vulnerability once in a while.

To all of you who have truly loved someone in the past, I dedicate this song to you.  Enjoy a good cry, and move on!

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A popular mainland Chinese cable TV show that attracts over 100 million viewers per episode continues to strike up controversies across the country.   It is similar to a condensed version of “The Bachelor” where 24 eligible ladies express their interests over 5 bachelors in each weekly episode, with the bachelors making their ultimate decisions after a few rounds of shortlists by the ladies. 

The show’s popularity lies largely on the eligible ladies.  Most are attractive models, former beauty peagent contestants or from well off families.  Yet like any other reality shows, viewers are mostly attracted by the unrehearsed snappy exchanges on stage.  For this show, there are plenty of this, from the bachelorettes.

“Is it because I’m just too beautiful?”

“I just know you need a beating the moment I hear you speak.  Let me get a whip now.”

“Looking at you make me realize that coming to this show is both a game and a dream.  Now I’m woken from my dream.” (upon seeing a bachelor with ordinary looks)

“We have to face the reality here.  The reality is that men turn bad when they got money.”

“Why is it me again? Damn, all I want is a low-profile life!” (upon selected by the bachelors repeatedly)

“Your clothes are from the 1930s.  Wait till it’s the 30s to look for your wife then.”

“I want the elite of the men, the talent of the elites, and the prince of the talented.”

“Never know what wine feels like till you are drunk, what love feels like till you have loved, what wealth means till you have been poor.”

“A person with my beauty and talent deserves no one less than David Beckham.”

“This is a dead-end with utterly no future.  Any woman who choose to be with you will never find light.”

The most renowned and controversial quote comes from a bachelorette in front of a bachelor who loves riding bikes.  “I’d rather cry on a BMW than laughing on a bike.”

Due to the candid exchanges on screen, the controversial show receives continuous censorship by the national broadcasting bureau on their “materialistic” influences.  However, the 100 million and plus viewers who tune in definitely find something that resonates: the overwhelming craving of wealth in today’s China.  Worse yet, everyone want to take shortcuts.  If you can capitalize on your looks, bodies, youth and social status, do it before it’s too late.  There is this oldest Chinese saying, “Laugh at the poor but not at the prostitutes,” that summarizes this prevailing but wicked notion in today’s China.  Well, if we are talking about those who are too underprivileged to even make their own living, the measuring stick may need a bit of fine tuning.  Though for a substantial portion of the viewing audience, plus those of the wealthy middle classes here in Hong Kong, the alarming phenomenon of generations X, Y and Z circulates around the dream of falling into the comfort of wealth and security right after coming out of college.  Paying the dues?  Going after my dreams?  No, not for me, if there is a bigger meal ticket up for grabs.  Dreams are far secondary.

Then there is this outcry of eligible ladies in their mid 30s in Hong Kong who complain that they can never find their other halves because no one is good enough for them.  Sure they are super eligible.  Most of them have successful careers and are financially independent.  They look down upon on guys who are indecisive and aimless.  They look for men who are secure, even more financially stable, and to top it off, willing to invest in extensive amount of time and efforts to woo them and make them feel like goddesses.  That’s not a bad dream, but you would think all that education and life experience would have prepped them to be a bit more realistic and tactful in the lesson of mutual support and give and take.  Think about the competition, ladies.  Be vulnerable, for once.  It’s no business transaction.

It certainly goes both ways for sure.  Too many men refuse to grow up and prefer to forever stay in our childhood utopia of computer games and instant gratification.  That is alright as long as a secure meal ticket is on the table.  “No, I just want a job that doesn’t take too much work and effort.  I can live with what I make now.”  The only thing is that they don’t realize they won’t stay 30 forever.  There will always be younger, fitter, and more aggressive new generation coming in and grabbing your jobs, in a second.  What’s the future, guys?

When young attractive people are going on television not to showcase their talents but to participate in some reality dating shows, I’m not sure whether I should shake my head or applaud them for making a run of fulfilling their childhood fantasies.  For many of them, I suspect that marrying someone rich literally is the bedtime story read by their parents.

 

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Excuse Me, Do I Know You?

Have you had complete strangers requesting to “friend” you on Facebook out of nowhere?  [Read my earlier post on Facebook Depression] If you do, welcome to the 21st century.  It’s no big deal, according to my up and personal polls with my Gen-Y friends.   Apparently, in this day and age, you can stick to the old school traditional etiquette of meet-and-greet in the social arena, or you can cut to the fast-and-easy hit-or-miss fast food culture of what kids (and grown-ups) do nowadays.  Quite frankly, you do can tell a bit, even if not a whole lot, of what kind of person someone is, from his or her Facebook page.  In today’s well acceptable “etiquette” of background checks, it just seems that I better conform and get accustomed to making friends, or at least acquaintances, through the mighty powerful platforms of Facebook or LinkedIn.

Whenever you feel the need to ask such question, count your blessings.  At least you are interesting enough (or weird enough) for someone to come knocking.

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Dating has definitely turned digital.  The following interview by Kurt Gregory of NBC news sure explains why many says the excitement, mystery and the butterfly feelings at the early stages of dating will soon go extinct.  It’s definitely easier and time-saving, but somehow it’s also quite sad. 

Dining experts say smartphones and social networks are changing the way America dates.

“21% of our surveyors say that they are more likely to ask out a date via text message or e-mail or Facebook versus only 9% who said that in our 2009 survey”, says Tiffany Herklots, Zagat’s Director, Communications.

Zagat’s Dating & Dumping Survey also reveals that like today’s employers, a large number of digital daters do their homework.  52% of Zagat’s surveyors admit to Googling their date before they meet.

Other dos: find your date’s likes and dislikes, food and drink included, and pick a place where you can have both good food, and good conversation.  And, there are the digital don’ts.

“Using their mobile phone or their blackberry at the table, texting and tweeting, is a sure-fire way to turn off your date,” says Herklots.  And if the date and/or relationship just isn’t working, “21% of our surveyors have admitted to breaking up over e-mail.  11% of them have admitted to breaking up via text message”.

Digital dating – helping you to love them or leave them.

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No To Facebook Depression

I had no idea that some kids end up feeling even worse after seeing Facebook updates of their happy looking friends having a good time.  Apparently it’s called “Facebook Depression”.  Right, those status updates are so “in-your-face” and more often than not, bragging the hell out of oneself, as I covered earlier on my advice for these people.  Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe, a Boston-area pediatrician and lead author of new American Academy of Pediatrics social media guidelines, said that “…it can be more painful than sitting alone in a crowded school cafeteria or other real-life encounters that can make kids feel down, because Facebook provides a skewed view of what’s really going on. Online, there’s no way to see facial expressions or read body language that provide context.”

No doubt Facebook can be a popularity contest for those who aspire to be followed or idolized, regardless of what age they are at.  I choose to play no part of that.  I use Facebook to let my friends know whenever a blog post is published, and I leave it at that.  I believe some may find it annoying if they don’t find my posts relevant to their liking, and they might have hid my updates using the site’s privacy settings.  For those who are tolerant enough to leave me unhid, I choose not to add to their burden by planting self-promoting catch-phrases on each update like some people I know.  I choose to let my friends and readers decide whether my posts are crap or inspiring, and I am not going to rob them out of their freedom to make their own judgements. 

Well, if it’s a commercial establishment then it’s another story.  However, Facebook is Facebook.  I would like to see it remain as a social networking platform, at least on my news feed page.

The other form of “Facebook Depression” lies with relationship matters.  I come across this Top 10 Facebook Etiquette Rules on Relationships from yourtango.com which is just too hilarious not to share.

  1. Relationship status is a mutual decision.
  2. It’s OK to look through your friend’s friends for people you might want to meet/ date/ friend. It’s not OK to skip the middleman on the introduction.
  3. Ask first before friending a close friend’s ex-squeeze.
  4. It’s OK to remain friends with someone you used to date on Facebook.
  5. Posting a ton of pictures, videos and comments regarding a recent, failed relationship is a bad idea.
  6. As with all things, there is such thing as too much information.
  7. This is sort of an addendum to 2 previous rules, but it bears its own space: don’t friend an ex’s new squeeze if you’re not actually friends.
  8. Know the difference between the Wall and a message.
  9. Again, the interweb is not a therapy session and shouldn’t be used with severely impaired judgment.
  10. Above all other rules (in this actually is in the Facebook rules), do not create a fake page as a way to punish an ex.

Don’t you just love this?  For the complete write-up with clarifications and examples (if you ever need anything more really), check this out.

Happy Facebooking, and don’t end up making yourself look laughable or pityful, please.

 

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