Confessions of a Corporate Shopaholic

We are lucky to be in a place where the royal wedding isn’t the biggest news that people can ever talk about.  The live broadcasts are expected to begin sometime around our Friday afternoon, just when happy hour is about to begin.  In fact, this is going to be yet another highly anticipated long weekend, thanks to the labor day public holiday on Monday, and perhaps some folks are still vacationing somewhere.  When people are downing their beers and wines in pubs and lounges, I wonder whether they will choose to tune in to the wedding channel rather than the usual sports games.

If you don’t have the slightest interest or curiosity over how glamorous and extravagant Kate Middleton’s wedding dress is going to be, here are a few ideas that you can do to “actively” avoid the royal wedding altogether, from mydaily.co.uk.

• “Rival the royals

Get married yourself and live-stream it internationally.  There’s nothing more healthy than a bit of competition so if you think you’ve got what it takes to outshine the royal couple then what are you waiting for?  Westminster Abbey will be busy but St Paul’s might be free, plus we reckon more than a few dress designers will have mocked up a spare royal gown or two just in case something dreadful happens to Kate’s at the last moment. 

• Read a biography of Oliver Cromwell

This man knew how to organise an overthrow of the monarchy.  Fine, the whole thing collapsed pretty soon after his death and even a toddler could teach him a thing or two about international diplomacy, but if you’re looking for anti-royalist sentiment, Cromwell’s your chap.

• Work on that novel

With everyone else heading to the pubs and the street parties you’ll finally have the house to yourself.   Add in the fact that every telly and radio station will be set to “wedding” and you’ll suddenly find the motivation to write your literary masterpiece.  That or you’ll spend eight hours watching old Buffy DVDs  and eating party rings.   Either way, well done you!

• To infinity and beyond

Head to Florida (or indeed the internet) to follow the launch of space shuttle Endeavour from the Kennedy Space Centre.  The 14 day mission will see Commander Mark Kelly and his crew take Endeavour on its final flight to deliver an Alpha Mass Spectrometer and spare parts to the International Space Station.  Perfect for anyone who dreamed of being an astronaut instead of a princess.

• Retail therapy

Make the most of the deserted town centre and go shopping for that Issa dress, Whistles blouse or crown you’ve always wanted.  Alternatively you could pop down to Wilkinson’s and see whether they have any guillotines in the DIY section.

• Hijack a street party

If you’ve ever nursed even a small delusion of grandeur then the idea of your neighbours hosting a party in your honour will probably sound pretty good.  Simply sneak over and staple pictures of your own face over that of those of happy couple.   If you get caught just grab as many sausage rolls as possible and run.”