Many people have heard about the 5 stages of the grieving process. Maybe it’s a lucky thing that I wasn’t aware of it until a year ago when a good friend of mine introduced me to this. With so much unwanted despair around our personal lives and from what we read on the news, I am revisiting this as well as sharing with my loved ones, all with the intention to look at the light at the end of the tunnel, in this upcoming new year.
Regardless of the nature of the loss it might be, every one of us mourns differently. According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, there are 5 common stages of grief a person goes through when mourning. One has to note that we may not necessarily experience these stages in one fluid order. We may actually go back a stage at one time, or go through some of the stages more than once. Why? Because there are triggering incidences everywhere. It may be another friend’s stories, movies or TVs programs, or finding an old greeting card or an item of clothing stashed somewhere, unexpectedly.
- Denial
No, this is not me. It is not happening. He/she will change his/her mind. No one is dead, I am expecting him/her to walk through the door anytime soon.
- Anger / Resentment
Why me? Why did you do it? Why are you deliberately hurting me?
- Bargaining
If I do this, you will do that. If you’ll stay, I will change. If you bring him/her back God, I will be a better person.
- Depression
It’s really happened. Nothing is going to change. Acknowledgement brings deep depression. Often a quiet, withdrawn time.
- Acceptance
This is what happened. You can now begin to move forward.
Speaking from experience, my advice is to really take the much-needed time to go through all 5 of the above stages. There is no need to rush. Someone who jumps right into acceptance the next day after a breakup or a loss in the family is only kidding himself or herself. If we tell ourselves that it is okay to feel unhappy, lost, mad and disillusioned, it will help. At times of despair, I seriously don’t think one needs to pretend he is a hero.
What my friends told me is so true. Always, always take care of your own feelings. Nurture yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically. No one else can do it but you. Eat healthy, exercise and let yourself take time to grieve. Needless to say, share with your trusted friends and advisers. Showing signs of vulnerability is the strongest character building ritual everyone should go through, once in a while.
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